I came home one night after a long day at work. Walked into the kitchen and made myself one nice plate of eba in perfect combination with the egusi soup that my sister had prepared earlier. Just as I was about to settle down and do justice to the mountain that was set before me, two air force marshals from the cockroach airforce decided that it was time  to have their practice flights around my sitting room. It is bad enough that cockroaches crawl, when they fly it just disgusts me and that gets the best of the hatred in me. The stupid thing no go stay one place make I for kill am. I had to cover my food, wash my hands and begin my ‘operation destroy the roach’. After my operation, I had lost appetite. If you feel cockroaches are bad, then you need to encounter rats. These days, rats have no fear or respect for human beings. Back then, when rats want to run, they do so with so much speed, because they do not want to die young. Today, rats will stroll in your own living room. I have a feeling that some of them even stop to sometimes say ‘hi’. Imagine the courage. Bloody, disrespectful and bombastic elements. They do not pay rent or contribute in any way to the upkeep of the house, yet they want to raise their families in your house and still behave anyhow. Once, I had a female visitor and in the process of gisting and laughing, one stupid rat ran past. I noticed it but just pretended like it was nothing. Next thing, the rat passed again. This time, it strolled.Stopped halfway, looked at my visitor before lazily moving to the other side. If my visitor was one of those ‘aje-butter’ girls now, na so the useless rat for spoil my runs. Well, just so you know, rats are now Y2K compliant o. They know the latest trends. They can smell poison in a meal and avoid it. Some even use jazz (do not ask me how I know), or have you not wondered why that poisonous meal you left for the rats to eat was eaten but no death was recorded. Or you have not noticed that traps don’t catch some of them even after eating the bait? Humans better wake up before theses rats will help fulfil the dreams of pinky and the brain (taking over the world). Do not say I didn’t warn you o.

Finally, it is not enough that mosquitoes fly around, make us blood donors by force and give us malaria. Some of them even entertain us. It is bad enough that they are forcefully asking for blood donations, why send your lead vocalists to perform solos in my ears? Why? Are you mad? I send you message? What is it sef? Sometimes they send their choir to perform special numbers with auto-tuned voices. RUBBISH!!!!!!!!! (I need to calm down now before I wound someone). The height of it is how mosquitoes make fools out of us sometimes. You see that mosquito on you brother/sister’s cheek. You position your palm and gently, like a predator ready to pounce on its prey move towards your brother/sister and BAM!!!!!!!!!!! You have slapped him/her. Feeling fulfilled that you have carried out an act of kindness; you open up your palm and find no mosquito there. It escaped but you slapped your brother/sister with so much strength. You look like a fool, a BIG FOOL. Do you see why I am angry now? But why can’t rats, cockroaches and mosquitoes become extinct? just asking.

 

 

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