Danfo. The word for the bus commonly used for transportation in Lagos. Say whatever you like, the Danfo has been a part of our Lagos lives. It has played a part in uniting us as a people (Don’t ask me how) and has lasted through ages. Even though the Molue died, the Danfo stayed alive like the cat with nine lives. Sometimes i wonder if it will be possible to do without it on Lagos roads. With the Danfo, commuters and Lagos traffic comes drama. Sometimes hilarious and some other times annoying and scary.

So on this day i was on my way home after a long day at work. I had successfully completed part one of my journey with little traffic (thank God). So i and other commuters were at the bus stop waiting for another bus to take us to our destinations. Bus arrives and we all find ourselves on the bus adjusting to get necessary comfort for each person. The first row had four passengers (as is the case), three slim passengers and one “big” guy. (Notice i used “big” and not fat, before i am accused of body shaming?). The guy at the end of the seat by the door wasn’t comfortable so he asked the others to “dress” (Dress is the word we use on the bus/vehicle when we want you to move or shift. Yeah i know…just leave it as it is. We understand ourselves)

The passengers did the annoying Lagos thing, they looked in his direction and didn’t even move. Dude asked again, this time i think he was trying to appeal to their human side because to be honest, almost half of his bum was not on the seat. It was at this moment the big guy got pissed and Started venting:

“can you not see that the seat is small. Where do you want me to dress to? Is it my fault that the seat is small? Why are you looking at me and asking me to dress?. If you aren’t comfortable with the seat then you have to do something about yourself”

It was at this point i became confused. Why was the guy sounding so defensive? Why did he think he was the target market of the guy’s appeal? Inferiority complex? Also, if the guy wasn’t comfortable he should do something about himself? Really? Guy you are the first suspect if the somehow people complain of the inability of the seat to contain the required four passengers. So what’s with the reverse psychology. I was getting pissed off because i hate it when people are cheated. I will not stand by and watch as a fellow man like me will be cheated. I mean he is going to pay for a seat and only sit with One and a half of his bum. UNACCEPTABLE!!!! I was about to channel my inner Orubebe when i realised the big guy was dressed like a Mopol/Soldier in mufty.

Wisdom prevailed and i didn’t speak up again. Besides the guy affected wasn’t complaining. I cannot be crying more than the bereaved. And it is not like he would not be able to manage till he gets to his bus stops. Na fat the big guy fat, e no kill person.